What does it mean?

This week I turned 55...and I must say I'm not feeling it this year. I just feel indifferent. Not happy, not sad - nothing. In fact, I would have rather not even celebrated. I really wanted to hear the "Happy Birthday Sweetie" and it just wasn't there. Strange thing is we used to go to dinner every year with two other couples. Three of us had Birthdays in the same week. Now three are gone. We have no more couples...only three single people. It's all very strange indeed. So we met for dinner and we toasted our spouses who are no longer with us. 

...and life goes on

...and life goes on - and the sun rises and the sun sets everyday. There is not enough space, or time or energy to list the multitude of questions that run through my mind with the dawning of each new day. How significant is one life? Where does all that energy go? Why so soon?  What do I do with my passion? Does he see me? Hear me? Is he happy? Content? Why now? Why this way? Why can't I talk to him? Why doesn't he talk to me? Is there really a heaven? Another dimension? Were family and friends there to meet him? What do we do without him? What does it all mean? Why are we here anyway? OMG - what if there is a hell? Is living on earth really hell? Are we re-incarnated? What would he be? Would I recognize him? Did the angels come for him? Was it peaceful? 

Does he still love me?

C'est Fini....

Okay - It's finished - it's mailed - i'm done. Think i'll have a drink. No...make that two.

A home...or just 4 walls?

Someone asked me last night how it went with the house....something that took many months...from the first time we walked through the door to the day I went to settlement....

Sufficient to say...it was like erasing a life - his and mine.